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ordinary day
eat, work, pray, read, write.
Date: 6/14/2010 6:15:29 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1686 times What an ordinary day. No drama, just meal, work, meetings, home.
Did my morning readings out of AA and Al-Anon books, 1 each. Journaled in response. Did laundry. Have an asian pear for breakfast, cheese for snack, salad for lunch w/broiled chicken.
Keeping to my own world, my own plate. Read LNA training manual some more before bed last night. Will do Big Book reading/work today at lunch. Two meetings scheduled for tonight. Will fit some more work in while I have time in between. Will eat during meeting.
God's plan today? I guess that I just show up as best I can, eat as best I can, build 'repore' with those around me, and just be kind. Just be kind. That's something I can do.
Walk today? I really would benefit from a good, strong walk. I'll bring my shoes and maybe walk at lunch after I eat and do the book work in between work and meetings. That might be best.
Now - shower, make up, commute. Eating pear in the car.
Being with Trace's Dad yesterday just plain sucked. That's all, it just sucked. Phase him out when it comes to anything that really matters. He's almost 3 months 'sober' and is toxic as hell. I'm making amends to a man who will destroy anyone in his path for his own 'self preservation' - a condition brought on by his very own alcoholism and his perception. Like I do with me. I thought being his biggest fan meant serving him without emotion to make amends to all my short-comings to my son while he was alive. I think I'm arrogant to believe I can 'handle' it this time. I am just plain arrogant to think that alcoholism has anything to do with a person and WHO they are. They are not even home. It's a shell with a tornado inhabiting their body. No one is immune to its destruction and no reason will prevent that destruction. I need to keep me safe and stay away from him when I'm in any state of neediness or vulnerability. He is a callous and selfish man - alcoholism. I cannot reason with insanity - his or my own. Watching him act as he did 20 years ago sucks and yesterday was no exception. I did not take care of myself very well by having him around me at the Remembrance Run. I will never win this game of serving a sick person. I am arrogant, regardless of my 'good intentions'. I actually thought I might 'help' him. I am sick. Exit - stage right.
Exit - stage right.
Again, I say: Exit - stage right.
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