depression

i probably wont get replies, just crickets, but ill say it anyway and deal with the embarrassment

it literally getting the better of me and i cant 'think it away' with positive thinking. if you are one of its victims you should know it doesnt work that way

before i get told to take pills or exercise/diet (which failed to make a difference) what actually made me depressed was starting high school. im antisocial/shy by nature and i was hoping i would make friends in high school and become pretty. neither of those ever happened, my expectations fell short and then i knew there was no hope so i instantly got depressed and to this day its still controlling me and i have had numerous suicidal feelings back and forth when things fell apart, b/c i apparantly im emo-fragile. there isnt someone in the world who like me or to friend me (so it seems) and so my Depression seems incurable now. does it cause any permanent chnage to you? i have OCD to which id use to try to counteract 'bad luck'..bullying made me paranoid

i cant say if there will be any answers to this as its a rare case and most peoples Depression isnt like this but ive run into a dead end and dont know what to do at all. i have tried lots of emo therapy techniques but theyare not strong enough to fix me b/c of my outside cirsumstances that made me depressed. its a shit feeling to feel like you have no control over your life and feel helpless all the time. i was planning to go off west to another school for different career plans but i ended up staying back and studying something else i hate. b/c of family control, i hate university. am not studying or doing my work

i know....eft, hypotherapy autosugegstion etc etc and 100s of other techniques but they cant chnage my life situations. what am i supposed to do, i dont even know if its possible to feel great being alone all the damn time, all the gossip in the background