You do have options

I'm so sorry that you were raised in such an environment and, as I've often posted before wit5h regards to what happens to children, you were taught to be a victim. You don't have to remain a victim, however. You can take steps that will help you to process your childhood experiences and strngthen you feelings of self-worth and self-confidence.

If you have a chance, visit http://www.ndvh.org,
and research your locality for possible resources. They have the website and a toll free number that you can call to speak with someone so that you don't carry your childhood experiences with you into your adulthood.

Brightest blessings to you on your healing journey!