Discoveries

To clarify this, he married me strictly for money, as I discovered after he left.  My attorney has said this in exactly those words.  My counseling therapist has said this in exactly those words, and so has just about everyone else that knows my situation.  That he compartmentalized activities that I find disturbing was a shock, to be sure.  And, yes - I accept that consenting adults may engage in whatever sexua| interests they want to, and they do, including expensive whirlwind "sex tours" in Southeast Asia that includes taking the virginity of 8-year-old children.  I have no control over that, and any "morality" that I place on such activities pertains to me, alone.

After he left, I discovered an extensive activity of fraud that exceeds the Federal limit for criminal consideration.  He could have left me, at any time, to indulge in his interests without having robbed me of the only resources that I had.  I won't comment on my situation as a result of his choices, today - suffice it to say that the raiding of my private financial resources has left me in such a state that I don't know if I'll ever recover. 

Betrayal is betrayal, PinkCocaine.  Had I known about his interests when we began dating, I would not have even entertained a relationship him - instead, he presented a spiritually insightful, "safe," and romantic figure with "old-fashioned" views on relationships and communications.  None of what he presented is true.  Once we entered into a legal, binding contract of marriage, he began to systematically relieve me of my private financial resources through coersion and outright fraud (that has been clearly documented), and began a campaign of gaslighting and crazymaking.  sexua| preferences aside, a person (any person) who is able to raid another person's personal finances, at will, and leave their victim destitute and sick fits the profile of a sociopath.  Period.  End of story. 

There are many, many people out there who do whatever it is that they do behind closed doors and their preferences have no ill effect upon their daily lives.  One person's interest in bondage and fetishwear does not preclude them as sociopathic.  However, the extraordinary sexua| violence that the exspath is interested in is just a tiny tip of his persona - he fits the profile of a sociopath, without a doubt, and his overall behaviors suggest an extreme hatred of women and a disdain of every other human being that he comes into contact with.  He doesn't have any close, long-termed friends except for those that he deems to be weaker than himself.  Even those people that he might claim as "friends" are continuously faulted for their lack of intellect, gender (if they are women), income, sexua| gender preferences, appearance, and so forth. 

So, if you perceive that I am judging anyone else's sexua| preferences, you're wrong.  In my marriage or relationship, I will not tolerate violence against women.  Being a survivor of rape and domestic violence, I don't have to tolerate it.  Like I said, his compartmentalizations were just a tip of the proverbial iceburg as to who, and what, he really is.  I thank Great Creator that I'm out, even if I am in the situation that I am.