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Day 2
I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. When I'm not afraid to fail, I wont. When I'm not afraid to fall down, falling down won't feel like failure. I have fallen down enough to get more comfortable with it, to know how productive it can be, how necessary it is to growth. Still, when I sense the ground beneath me giving way, I have to remind myself that it's OK if I falter. I have to remind myself that it's more than OK!
Jan Denise quotes (American Columnist, Author and Speaker. )
Date: 4/7/2007 4:40:41 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 1802 times Symptoms:
skin: dry (face, neck, shoulder, scapula, upper limbs, lower limbs), small scattered bruises around knees, inflammation beginning to appear at dorsum and ventrum of knee, feet ventrum, right wrist, right hand, no pain, slight itch beginning at back of knees
tongue:white film covering whole tongue
odour:none
BM:
others:oil pulling--white, viscous
overall feeling:
Exercise
Medication
5 GNC Ultimate Cleanse
1 Multivitamin
3 Evening Primrose Oil capsules
Goals:
1. I want fantastic health, free of diseases and addictions.
2. Clear eczema
3. Fight bulimia
4. Score A for finals
5am
I read a very abstract poem this morning about growth where true growth requires a balance between propelling and repelling forces ie the centrifugal and centripetal forces of the earth that keeps the planet in orbit, the frictional forces and the generational forces of the turbines that create power in power plants, the elements of growth and opposing elements of nature such as winds and storms that strengthen the growth of plants, the weights and wings God gives through ambition and trials and temptations. Very abstract.
In a factory building there are wheels and gearings,
There are cranks, pulleys, belts either tight or slack--
Some are whirling swiftly, some are turning slowly,
some are thrusting forward, some are pulling back;
some are smooth and silent, some are rough and noisy.
pounding, rattling, clanking, moving with a jerk;
In a wild confusion in a seeming chaos,
lifting, pushing, driving--but they do their work.
From the mightiest lever to the smallest cog or gear,
All things move togther for a purpose planned;
And behind the working is a mind controllling,
And a force directing, and a guiding hand.
So do all things are workng for the Lord's beloved;
Some things might be hurtful if alone they stood;
Some might seem to hinder, some might draw us backward,
But they work together, and they work for good,
All the thwarted longings, all the stern denials,
All the contradictions, hard to understand.
And the force that holds them, speeds them and retards them,
Stops and starts and guides them--is our Father's hand.
Annie Johnson Flint
I believed there is a God when I was first introduced to him when I was a little girl, just as how every child believes in fairy tale characters, albeit with a deepened sense. However, as I progressed in my teens, I questioned, doubted, blamed and walked away from him. I attributed every schenanigan to his doing and I was unhappy at the the condition of the world miroscopically and macroscopically. I realized the greater distance I created between myself and a mentor and began to rely on my own personal strength and wisdom, I was already on the losing side of the battle because what I had was limited and what I assumed of myself engendered a foolish arrogance.
From a growing person's point of view, I believe that God is not one to depend on like a fern sprouting off a tree, rather I believe God is a teacher, whose sole purpose is to nurture and guide through principles. It is entirely up to the individual to assimilate, employ and enjoy the learning process in order to achieve the purpose of pleasure and most saliently, usefulness as a human being. I will continue to question God, but I find, after my adolescent ups and downs, that there is a need to believe and be inspired by all the beauty around and in us, because what is already bestowed to us provides us all we need to profit more--mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually--and become more of who are meant to be; I believe his plan for each child is WITH a purpose. I believe I am designed to create and instill some beauty, love, joy and truth--no matter big or small--for someone else in my lifetime. However, with this plan, comes a host of new challenges I will have to face. Notwithstanding, this is an abstract yet inspirational impetus that will promise to overcome the many tribulations ahead. Life is to be lived.
Our purpose in this life is to acquire wisdom and richness in order to create usefulness for the greater tapestry of life. Through such usefulness, we each find meaning and through meaning, success and happiness. This is perhaps a simplified explanation of what eudaimonia is.
eudaimonia
http://www.eudaimonia.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/seligman04/seligman_index.html
3pm
I admit I am a little scared of what may happen during the fast. In spite of having a confident attitude to life, I am still a little fearful because I have suffered a lot because of my health problems. Patches of my old skin are peeling off by itself revealing a shade lighter skin. Areas that I do not touch heal better than areas that I touch or peel off the skin. So it is about patience. But it is still a little scary/ I ought to visualize myself in the pink of health.
How does one become a butterfly?" she asked.
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.
630pm
I was thinking of my boyfriend, who lives in Turkey, half a world away from where I live (Singapore). I love him dearly. He found me and I found love. The longer (2 years already) I am with him, I am more in love with him, the more I want him in my life, the more I need him. But do we have a shot at a future together? Is it goodbye after this summer vacation? The truth is I cannot bear to part with him. What if?
I will ask him about this after my exams.
12mn
I am going to have to brace myself because the symptoms of detox are appearing and they are very uncomfortable esp the irritation of the nerves and the subsequent itch.
Blue Mosque, Istanbul, Turkey
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