moving out by labellavita Blog entry

Blog: My May Fast (21 days) June Fast (35 days)
by labellavita

moving out

a lone survivor admist a desolated war site

Date: 5/30/2007 10:40:41 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2049 times

Moving out on my own FINALLY
30th May 2007 will be a day I will not forget for as long as I shall live. On this day, I will move out on my own--finally.

The relentless drama in the house (where I stayed in with my parents) has been taking its toll on me. When my parents caused sufficient trauma over the course of the week, with daily police assistance and worry-plagued thoughts, it was my last straw. I could not tolerate another one month before I moved out to my rented room; it was time to move out right now.

25th May 2007

I left the house in the morning with a bag of books. My father ran into the street and hollered threateningly if he caught me taking anything out of the house again, he would "catch me." Knowing fully well how facing him would instil fear in me, I did not turn back and continued to walk till I reached the bus stop.

26th May 2007

I wanted to leave the house but an additional lock was implemented on the main gate, preventing me from leaving. I dialled 999 for assistance to leave the house safely. My parents began to debate with the police and gave conditions ie they have to check my items before I left. As I was not removing or stealing items not belonging to me, I refused. My parents gave conflicting allegations that I was smuggling out the digital camera and watch (for Husnu's birthday), which I both purchased. Moments later, they altered their stance and claimed that the digital camera was, in fact, in my room and not "stolen". As for the watch, I do not own nor wear any watches, so that was a baseless accusation. They decided to let me out of the house. Before I was able to make my way safely out of the house, with police assistance, my father shouted and glowered, "Get out!"

In the evening, I returned $300 which my parents gave me as a gift during my purchase of the digital camera. Although Canon could vouch for me that I am the rightful owner of the camera and I did not have to pay, I decided it was better to severe all associations with my parents, beginning from the trivia.

28th May 2007

Atop the stairs, I could see the main door was padlocked with the new lock, which I have no access to. I was afraid of a violent encounter with my parents. I decided it was best to ask for police assistance and dialled 999. I was out safely.

When I was making way out of the house, I saw my $300 and a deceptive love plea for the second time. I grabbed them, threw it on the floor and walked out. "Don't you dare say I steal your money, you bastard. I have paid you your $300."

29th May 2007

I overslept and was running late for clinics. Instead of delaying my exit by half an hour, I decided to brave my fears of being attacked and leave the house on my own. I was about to leave the house when my father rushed menacingly out towards me from the maid's room. He was about to grab me or my bag. I dodged in the opposite direction, stunned and frightened. My mother walked in my direction, probably with the similar intention of hitting me or taking my things away from me. Instinctively, I brandished my handphone in order to dial 999 for police assistance. Knowing my intent, my father backtracked and pushed my mother away, saying, "Let her take the things. We are going to charge her." I took the keys and opened the lock of the main door, only to realize, a little too late, that the gate too was locked. I turned around about to reach for the keys. To my horror, my father picked up the keys. Outcome 1: He could choose not to let me out of the house. Outcome 2: He could run towards me from the back and batter me. I ran to one end of the garden and screamed, a self-defense mechanism, so that all my neighbours could be alerted that something was about to transpire. My screams chased away my father's notions of accosting me. Instead, he unlocked the gate, walked towards the main door and hollered at my mother to check what was missing. Apparently, she had already raced up to ransack my room. They have been unfoundedly accusing me of stealing "their things". I seized my opportunity and ran out of the house. But shaken to the core, I was convulsing and crying all the way to the bus stop and only calmed my nerves a little after talking to Tao Ye.

I knew it was time to move out--immediately. I called Tao Ye to make arrangements for my stay from the night after onwards and combed Toa Payoh Estate for a luggage bag (I found a humongous black/red Polo Victory for $45).

I went to Ang Mo Kio North Police Division with the intention to lodge the morning events. The officers(Alvin and Lawrence)took great interest in the case, because this was not the first time they had seen me and they had to factor in the fact that I have an Expedited Order. The Supervisor(Leslie Tan) spoke to me personally and we came to a conclusion that lodging a report and dealing with the consequences of a word-against-word trial was laborious and flaky. He advised me to re-consider my primary concern: moving out of the house. Aggravating the trial and creating a bigger specatacle were only going to prolong the dreaded court hearings to obtain a PPO, which I acknowledged as a secondary concern. I agreed to drop pursuing the case, but left only after reporting that I would be leaving the house the next day, voluntarily.

30th May 2007

I was about to walk out of my room when I saw my father walking up the stairs towards me. I turned back immediately and locked the door behind me. He went on a desperate charade that he would fly off to Turkey with my mother or else (I was anticipating his true nature) he would charge me for theft (which sum of money I had not stolen). I called 999 for assistance. The police were au fait with my case and had attended to me before. They spoke to my parents briefly and perfunctorily before letting me out. I metioned my meeting with Leslie Tan, allowed them to check my bag and showed them the report that explained that I was leaving the house voluntarily later the same day.Concern was written all over their faces. "Thank you officers," I said before I left for clincis.

2253hrs

I have had a very traumatic evening. I bought my luggage bag from Toa Payoh. On returning home, my father saw me and scolded and gesticulated from a distance. I walked towards the park, a canter away from my house. Then, I spotted my mother driving home. She stopped by me and I ran with the luggage, hyperventilating,calling the police 2 more times to hurry to my "rescue".

However, the police were not able to help me. Even if the items I wanted to retrieve from the house (clothes, handphone charger, 5cds, pillow, photoframes) belong to me, the rightful owner of the house--my mother--had the final say whether she allowed me to remove items from the house. Obviously from deduction, she disallowed me emphatically not to let me bring anything out of the house. Essentially, I had only 2 options: 1) return to the source of constant psychological, emotional and physical pain or 2) leave for good and plea with the judge to allow me to retrieve my belongings,under police protection. As advised by many friends close to me who are incidentally familiar with my long-standing predicament, I made the bold decision, a decision that birthed in me when I was first beaten up at 9, to extricate myself from the source of relentless physical, emotional,psychological torment, pain and fear. I chose to leave.

Notes to remember
1. My father is a liar. He is an evasive, controlling, mercurial person. The police asked him who the owner of the house was and he lied under their noses that he was the owner of the house. Minutes later, he changed his stance to "his children" are the rightful owner of the house. A while later, he renewed his position to "not willing to reveal information to the police". It was I who told the police to call my mother, the rightful owner of the property.
2.My father accused me of "causing injury to his eye". I was appalled at the allegation as I have never gone up to him to attack him,let alone his eye. He threatened aloud he was going to charge me for injuring his eye and whenthe police asked him to show a medical report, he said, " I don't have to show it to you." Lying or not? Go figure.
3. He threatened continually to the police that he was going to charge me for an assortment of crimes. It sounded like words coming from a mentally unfit individual.
4. While my mother initialy allowed me to take my belonings with the condition of revealing my whereabouts, my father scolded her vulgarly and told her that this way, they could not "control" me.My mother did not allow me to enter the house.

My only relationship with these two scathing figures are dysfunctional, possessive, abusive and unhealthy. The onlylanguage they understand is destruction, to their surroundings, to family,to self. It is pitiful.

Right now, how do I feel?

Numb. A tinge frightened. Numb because the trauma had made me cry the whole evening and permitted me scant fitful sleep. And because I finally did it--I am out of hell. Frightened because in spite of having great friends, I am swathed by a loneliness in a very difficult and unfortunate predicament, like a lone survivor admist a desolated war site. And because I have no change of clothes.

My boyfriend was quick to give comfort when I broke the news to him and my friend, whom I am temporarily bunking with, has been more than a gracious guest.

To all who are reading, kindly say a prayer for me. I hope God will protect me and save me from evil. I made the decision to walk out of darkness and into light when I left the house. I chose to be alive.

I will begin my 35 day June fast today, 1st June 2007 and end on 5th July 2007.Do drop in comments. The details of the court hearings will be blogged too with the concurent fast.

Lots of love.