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"Man" issues "Woman" Issues
"Man" and Woman" issues, part One.
We are in the Harvest Festival of Succot.
This Blog is part of my Harvest of Summer
Inner Basement Work.
Date: 9/30/2007 5:57:27 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 3546 times 
THE HISTORY OF PEACE ON EARTH--
This photo, taken by Enchanted Garden Member,
Lee Auerbach, I call Leslie's pain.
It was taken at the Neilah Service of B'nai Horin
last Saturday, right before the Fall Equinox.
The woman, walkng away in the blur is Lisa.
Lisa has been a friend for many years.
She sang the song for me,
"Return Again, Return to the Land of your Soul."
We worked together with the Kids of B'nai
Horin. B'nai Horin means "Children of Freedom."
I was giving a nature message.
The herb in my hand is Lemon Verbena,
a natural anti-depressant. The herb was a big hit.
I passed some around last night here
at the Succot gathering I write about here.
Read on...
3:11 AM
September 30, 2007
Ate like a pig last night.
I was stuffing down emotions.
Got a chance to talk a bit to Burt Bialak
about my recent experience with my father Solomon.
I went up to help him deal with his hoarding
toward the end of summer.
That was AFTER spending most of the summer here
at the Enchanted Garden initiatng the Great Earth Cleanup
in our Basement.
Judith, my Counselor, lauds me for how much
Inner Work I did this summer dealing with these Basement Issues
and my Father Issues.
I have suppressed much of the Father stuff I have
that I experience in a Jewish Context.
Much of my original Pain Work is in a Jewish context
because I CHOSE a father who was a Rager
who raged and stole my Childhood around issues
that are cloaked in Jewish themes.
THe Man spend his entire life serving the Jewish community
and its dead.
His apartment--where there was a fire--was filled with the Holy Objects
of many other Jewish men that somehow came into his hands
due to his "Religious" work. Their Holy Objects were interspersed
with trash. They was no distinction of what was Valuable and what
was garbage. My father is a bonefide hoarder. I am the next generation,
a bit less of a hoarder, more in the catagory of Gross Clutter-a-Holic.
I did make major progress this summer.
I have hardly recovered.
One of the Gifts of being with my Earth Father,
the Progenitor I CHOSE for the Seeds that Co-mingled with my Mother's,
was the a Pristine Copy of
"The Rebirth of Mother Earth."
This is one of my most popular Self-Published books
of the 80's.
My Father, the Hoarder, has saved EVERY SINGLE letter I ever
sent him, way back to the 60's.
I trashed most of them, but saved
"The Rebirth of Mother Earth."
I have been reading from it during these Jewish High Holidays.
The Community where I have found Jewish safety
in Los Angeles is called B'nai Horin.
That means Children of Freedom.
I work with the children up there, as well
as read my poetry. Toward the end of the Rosh Hashanah
and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, when millions of Jews
fast around the world, I get some time in the final Neilah service.
Our Neilah service is held outside on his awesome mountain top peak
at an incredible structure with high ceilings called the House of the Book.
Rabbi Stan, one of my first positive Rabbi Role models
speaks highly of Mother Earth and Nature.
For more than 15 years, he has honored my work,
although at times, as I felt this Rosh Hashanah,
he puts up with me.
This Rosh Hashanah, I felt Invisible.
I can get deeper into those feelings.
They show up in my Women Issues
that rreally come up in reference especially to The Jewish Woman.
The Jewish Woman:
Traditionally she is the Archetype
of the Wife who compels here Husband to bring home the Bacon,
so to speak.
I have never been a Conventional Jewish Bacon Home Bringer.
I have been an Outcast in my own eyes.
This is something I internalized from abandonment issues
I harbor.
I CHOSE a DOUBLE WHAMMY.
Not only was I abandoned literally by my father as a teen
but in the perception of Judith, something Vital was stolen from me
by my Mother, who basically had nothing to do with my father sexually
in my eyes.
I was the Little Man who slept in the same bed as my mother
most of my Kid years. My Father, presumably for health reasons,
slept in another room. My sister slept in one bed in our bedroom,
and I in a double bed with my mother.
My mother died of cancer when I was 12.
The positive side of all this bed sleeping was that
it made me sensitive to the Female spirit.
That is a good quality for a lover to have.
Another side of this, is that is all likelihood I
took in all the Unprocessed Basement Issues
of my mother, who was basically my Ally
in many ways.
I grew up as a bonabide Rule Breaker in a house of
10,000 rules, all labeled by the Father Rager.
One of his favorite lines was
"You dasn't do that!!!!!"
I CHOSE a Father who would STUFF religion down my throat.
In my rebellion and claiming of my own Manhood
I ran as far from Judaism as my legs could carry me.
That wasn't too far.
I started to develop what back then they named
a Psycho-somatic condition. It took about ten more years
before my condition could be named arthritis.
As a teen, I remember lying on the ground in front of a room
full of M.D.'s. I was asked to lay down on the floor and then get up repeatedly.
They could not figure out what was wrong with me and the way I walked.
I basically from an early age was never modeled
on how to grow up and stand on my own two feet.
I Imagine my father was pussy whipped by my mother.
I doubt if she gave him what every man wants.
Maybe she did, but I do not have that in my consciousness.
Maybe she gave, then maybe she tossed him out.
That has made for a rather screwed up inner psyche
in relationship to God as well as Mother.
I spent my childhood running away from home
and the yelling of my father. My mother yelled too,
and actually was the one with the strap.
She was the allowance giver.
Yesterday was a bit of a break through.
I felt comfortable around Burt Bialak who teaches
Dharma Shalom. He works for the Jewish Healing Center.
He is a psychologist and we go way back.
His wife is a teacher who works with kids in a garden context.
BINGO!
He was laughing as I told him my recent Father adventure
with the Hoarding.
He said the story would fit on "Curb Your Enthusiasm,"
a popular HBO show about a Jewish man who is so nutso in many ways.
Sometimes I cringe when I watch that show.
The patterns I see in David, a character in Curb are too close to home.
David wrote Steinfeld.
___
Redid my Plant Your Dream Blog Settings yesterday morning.
Reclaimed some Self Esteem over who I am.
I am an Urban Shaman.
How many Jewish Women want to hang out with an
Urban Shaman?????
I mean it is not exactly "My son, the Doctor!"
the one who brings home the Bacon.
That's a Joke kind of.
Jews, by their food laws, do not eat Pig.
I ate like a pig last night.
I stuff everything on the table into my guts
at most conventional Jewish gatherings.
I do not want to deal with my feelings.
Yesterday, there was enough safety for me
to not only get into the Sacred Space that Burt created
but add to it.
I read from "The Rebirth of Mother Earth."
The reception was strong among this local Jewish renewal community
who live closer ot home than B'nai Horin. B'nai Horin is in LA,
more than 100 miles away.
Home: The place I never had
because I was too busy as a Kid running away from home.
Home was where the Ruler Father and his God made rules,
such as "You dasn't turn on the TV on Friday night!"
That was to break the laws of Shabbat.
____
How much can a person heal?
I was asking myself that question
early this morning after I wrote out my Plant Your Dream Blog
Revision.
My Twin Soul/Best Friend often imagines all kinds of healing is possible.
She spends tons of money for healing.
She has an very large committment to healing.
She also plays out various aspects of my Woman Issues for me
that to some extent our nutso-crazo.
How much can a person heal???????
A person can heal a lot!!!!
We have to Imagine our healing before
it is possible. We have to see it,
to seed it.
STEP ONE: & STEP TWO
1. find a way to win at the BINGO
of understanding what the F__ _K
is going on in your head and why.
2. Face the fear and do it anyway,
even if you eat like a Pig in Jewish settings.
There was a lovely Jewish Woman
at the gathering yesterday,
Lee. She was in her body.
I reached out to her to read some of the words
to the poem I was reading to the group.
"I am Mother Earth."
Who is Mother??????
Judith is teaching me to remember Mother is not
Twin Soul/Best Friend.
Mother is the DIvine Feminine Archetype.
BINGO.
IT is this I am being asked to Cultivate.
It is all too Perfect.
I am a Bringer of Mother Earth back to the Jewish People.
Burt was pointing out how Succot, this Holiday for seven days
when we are called to live in Huts, is all about loving Mother Earth.
It is all too Perfect.
I was in my element last night,
even with eating like a Pig and waking up with arthritis pains in my left hand.
Those pains showed up during my trip to LA to help Father.
Left Hand Right brain.
Pain in the RIght brain from tripping out in LA,
the city of my birth, and also the city of Angels.
Can we heal????
We godda make our own Mother Father archetypes,
expecially if the ones we CHOOSE by our SOUL CONTRACT
were screwed up.
How very perfect.
Do you realize that this is the 1000 years intended
to be the 1000 years of Peace?
We are hardly into these 1000 years.
The millenium is still young.
You and I can be the Forerunners.
We can heal through dealing with our "Man" and "Woman" issues.
Amen.
___
Essene School of Thought Teaching:
STEP THREE:
Wisdom is the Application of Knowledge to Experience.
Wise Up and be Healed.
STEP FOUR:
Love what you CHOOSE.
GET INTO IT.
Educate, DO not Medicate,
DO Not Medicate with anything.
Get in and then Get OUT of there
as Whole.
Do not beat yourself up in the PROCESS.
Eating Like a Pig does not ultimately help.
--Your Enchanted Gardener
___
About Plant Your Dream Blog:
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1009991
____
___
Rudinski:
http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=1010659#i
___
Found This Today,
going through learning Imac Skills
It is the back cover of
Psalm's to Anne,
a book written in 1995
Horseradish by Leslie Goldman..."May you find beauty, even in bitter herbs!"
"Psalms to Anne" belongs at every Seder in the land." Ellen Kaufman, Director of Outreach and Program Development--Jewish Family Services, San Diego, Spring '95
"In Leslie Goldman's powerful words is a vision of the Messianic days of healing, harmony, and hope for our world. May we each become holy gardeners tilling the soil of Leslie's sweet dream. " --Rabbi Wayne Dosick, author, "The Business Bible, Ten Commandments for Creating an Ethical Workplace, " Spring'95
"Urban Shaman, Leslie Goldman communes with God in his Magic Garden, coaxing healing from herbs and plants and writes verse blossoms that lift the heart, touch the soul and somehow gladden the wounded spirit weeping in us." --Rabbi Zalman M. Schacter-Shalomi, '94
"When I hear you, I hear the prophets, their words, their teachings, their passion, flowing through you, speaking through you. You, you are not their mouthpiece. You are their mouth, a living, alive wholly human person. Your words, your poems, intuitively, inherently speak an old new voice from deep within our tradition and our faith. You share your very personal dialogue with God, and touch the deeply personal in each of us."--Rabbi Stan Levy, B'nai Horin Community, '91
"Let us make our entire miraculous planet one Enchanted Garden!" Robert Muller, a U.N. Assistance Secretary General in ' 82
"When the Messiah comes, Leslie will be his M.C.!"-- Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach,, '83
" Through my eyes I sense I am recording the history of Peace on Earth,
the history of the Earth and its human flowering. This Shared vision is the Enchanted Garden, and you and I its gardener." Leslie Goldman, '86
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