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Day Ten
Trying to discover the emotional and spiritual issues behind my physical problem.
Date: 4/4/2006 6:06:17 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2894 times Today has had its shares of ups and downs. Last night was terrible with excruciating pain that lasted for over ten hours. I did not get to sleep until early this morning. The morning was not too bad, I was weak and had trouble even standing at first. Later, I used the walker and made it to the mailbox. The entire trip was only a few hundred feet, but that is the longest distance I've walked in almost a month. I stayed outside and cleaned up some trash the puppies scattered and later own cleaned out my car that I've nicknamed "pigpen on wheels". My doctor is kind enough to go get the car and bring it around to the door so I don't have to walk so far after therapy, but I was pretty embarrassed to have anyone see inside.
The mail had some elements I will be adding to the diet and therapy side of my healing process. I finally got my book by Louise Hay called "Heal Your Body" it is full of probable emotional reasons for diseases and affirmations to help us overcome
negative thinking and staying in the past. I also got a CD by Hay called "Anger Releasing". It seems the emotional issues behind my back problems and chronic pain all deal with lack of love and love hunger, fear and old anger and resentment. I can certainly see where this is true. I did not have a happy childhood, including emotional, physical and some sexua| abuse. I have been trying to remember without feeling angry lately but its been hard to relive years of feeling not good enough, a lot of old doubts, fears, and a little anger have come to the surface. Hopefully, by dealing with the emotional and spiritual issues behind this problem will enhance the efforts of physical healing. I'm not putting this very well, but I hope it makes sense. Things are rarely as simple as they seem on the surface. I hope I have the courage to follow through with this. In many ways I can see why most people would rather have medication or surgery rather than have to dig so deeply in hopes of finding a real and lasting healing.
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