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Day 10 - wowser
xo
Date: 7/1/2010 9:53:24 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 9963 times Well, I'm still me. Procrastination in hitting the books has landed me an all-nighter or a walk of shame. I'll take the all-nighter, thanks.
I stopped at the market on the way home from the meeting tonight and picked up two bricks of tofu and 1 slab o' tempeh. How f*cking gross! I was eating it in the car - uncooked of oourse. Not the tofu, the tempeh. OMG - what a joke. I'm washing it down with water spiked with cider vinegar. Goodness- I'm a gourmet of the idiotic variety.
Home now. 10:41 - blog a spot then hit the book. I only have to study tonight, hit class tomorrow then back home and in bed by 4pm. This I can do.
My face is looking a little 'glowy', the black circles under my eyes are definitely going away.
Power walked 30 minutes this morning. Talked to a bird. Crazy chick. Me, not the bird. It was yellow finch. So cute, so little, Just a Tweety bird. Was Tweety a yellow finch? I don't remember.
5th step went okay. Didn't write all I could have. As far as I got was I am wrong - this I know. But, I was so tired, everybody else was WAY more wrong than me and I was getting screwed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What a joke. I just have to show up in life and be nice and I have trouble doing that. My nose gets bent every time someone farts out of key. Heh heh heh heh heh. Just keep the laughs coming.
I say "Stay" at the end of the Lord's Prayer instead of "keep coming back, it works if you work it" since I came back from Vegas.
Someone came up to me tonight to say she heard someone earlier today talk about someone who relapsed and they say that and gee, they kind of like it. Oh, uh that would be me. Yup. Way big relapse, And uh, all my friends think I'm an ass and ego maniac for saying it but after one full year - it means something to someone other than me. I'm relieved in a REALLY egotistical way. I just don't know how Bill W. did it. How he saw this thing f*cking explode and still stay sober. Cryin' out loud- my ego can barely handle 'stay' and it wasn't even something I did. I just heard a couple thousand other drunks say it and said it here. There is hope for me but man, this one is beyond ego. I am truly a maniac.
Slap that with a couple of good glutes and I'm damn fatal, is what I am. This, my dear, is my alcoholism. All that and the worm to boot.
Uncooked tofu, a heating pad on my back and a book.
It feels good to know that one tiny thing I say can actually mean something to someone I don't even know. I miss my son. I meant something to him in a big way and it was every day. You got a kid? Just give them a hug for me. Tell them how absolutely, magnificently, out of this world perfect they are. Smooch 'em on the forehead and tell them to brush their teeth. ;0)
xoxoxoxoxoxo
If you see a shooting star tonight, that would be my son Trace. Tell him I love him. thanks
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