Re: my difficult child. Please offer some insight

You've gotten some good responses. Here's my two cents --- if you do put her in time out (we used to put our daughter in the corner) when you are ready to release her from time out, ask her if she knew just what it was that she did that was wrong. If she says "yes", ask her to explain it to you. For example, if you told her she couldn't have a cookie but she took one anyway, she would need to say something like "I took a cookie when you told me not to."

Also, when you are angry at her, don't say things like "You are bad", say instead "What you did was bad". The same principle works when she does something good. In that case, don't say "Good girl", say "What you did was good." I learned this technique when I took a mommy and me type of class with my daughter. The instructor explained it this way --- If you notice your daughter being good to the new baby and you say "You're a good girl.", she may think to herself "but I don't want to be a good girl" and then act up. However, if you say to her "You're being so nice to the baby", you're praising her actions. On the flip side, if she is acting up, you are disapproving of her actions.

Learning that was like a lightbulb moment for me. I grew up being verbally abused and knew I didn't want to do that to my child. Thus I realized by saying "bad girl", that, too, was a form of verbal abuse. It's far better to say "That was a bad thing to do."

Ultimately, consistency is the way to go when rearing a child. We're all human and make mistakes, to be sure but when that happens, own up to your mistake and vow not to do it again.

My parents had 3 kids, counting me. The youngest (a boy) was allowed to be rude, inconsiderate and irresponsible. He was dyslexic and had ADD. Back then, schools didn't have special ed. Neither of my parents wanted to put much effort into working with him at home on a consistent basis. They took him to therapists and my mother clung to the advice of one of them which was to not push him where school was concerned. When it came to punishing him for misbehavior, again they were inconsistent. Sometimes, he got a beating for bad behavior, other times it was shrugged off. Up until he was 12, my mother would excuse his behavior often by saying "He's just a baby". She stopped with that when I told her he was 12 years old.

Long story short --- He's a grown man now. He graduated high school 2 years late and my father thought it was a "social promotion". Also, he has a habit of not holding a job for long. Recently, with 2 kids to support, he has stuck to one line of work. He still is rude, inconsiderate and irresponsible. He thinks nothing of dropping in on people, uninvited, and then calling his friends and inviting them to someone else's house. My parents always shrugged it off and said "that's the way he is" and expect me to go along with that, which I won't do.

So...this is my rather long and drawn out (sorry!) way of saying --- you need to be consistent. Make the punishment for misbehavior consistent. Make your expectations of her consistent. Sure, it won't be easy but who ever said that parenting properly was an easy job?

Good luck with everything. I think you're on the right track since you recognize this problem and are trying to correct it.