Re: my difficult child. Please offer some insight

Thanks all the people who stopped here to read and share their advice.

I am especially thankful to those who expressed their thoughts without being harsh and judgmental.

I humbly recognize I have probably made a lot of mistakes, and have not been consistent enough. I fell for meny different advices in hope they would fix the situation.
Still, I do not think this means I deserve contempt and despise as some poster showed. This is me and this is what I've been able to do so far, I swear i tried my best, sorry if the results do not measure up with your standards.

I am living proof that harsh discipline ( by saying harsh i mean yelling,spanking, and storming around like my father used to do) do not produce healthy, assertive individuals. I think discipline should be accompanied with constant love and that the parent should always be eager to forgive after a fight.

My daughter was MUCH tougher to raise than any other kid I've ever seen, and she was from the very start. Some kind of punishment never worked with her and I don't know if it ever will, she could scream for entire hours with a time out, where is the parent who can stand that more than a few days on a row? It was part of keeping my sanity to find other and less troubling solutions. Even so, I suffered a severe exhaustion until she was 3.

I pick my battles wisely. Sometimes I think the parent has to step back and ask himself if his/her requests are legitimate. I will never force her to taste a food that does not appeal to her, is that wrong? The teacher forced her to eat food at preschool several times, I do not agree at all with this, although I will not interfere with the teacher I will never try to exert this kind of control, I find it WRONG and not respectful.
Generally speaking, I do not agree with taking sides with the child against the teacher, although I can understand there may be true personality clashes. I had teachers who shamed me in front of the classroom and in my opinion a teacher can be horribly wrong. it's not about questioning his authority but ensuring respect to everyone.

I am trying again with the sticker book. We tried a sticker chart when she was 3 but it did not work, I think she was too young to wait for the rewards. Now she seems interested in it.

When negatives reinforcements are used steadily, my daughter plays the "bad child" as much as she can. She enjoys the character and the shower of attention that comes with it. So i think I need to find more ways to help her cooperate and be happy about herself, which she obviously isn't.
I will give the teacher a sheet of stickers, and my daughter will bring her little book to school. I will also be more firm with my requests without letting the situation escalate into anger .

I just loved the articles dropped by doc. I agree with them 100%. I will certainly pray the suggested prayer.

thanks again