Blog: Floating the Abyss
by SoulfulSurvivor

"The Only One"

More on my personal experiences of attempting to gain the approval of a predatory abuser.

Date:   4/4/2011 8:24:15 AM   ( 13 y ) ... viewed 26149 times

I've noted that I had a number of interests and goals prior to involving myself with the former abuser. Sounds as if I was a pretty well-rounded person, right? Well, I also had a good number of faults and character defects which enabled the abuser to cut me off from nearly every friend and source of emotional support that I had. The one friend that I did maintain contact with was a childhood friend that apparently posed no threat to his control.

Among these character defects, my need for acceptance and approval were probably the most profitable to the abuser. These needs were nearly an emotional pathology, as I've mentioned. I would avoid speaking "truthfully" for fear of being rejected or abandoned. Speaking "truthfully" is defined as saying precisely what I mean, and not what I thought others wanted to hear. With truthful speaking comes honest action - confidence and boundaries. I was also very defensive - I was just beginning to learn the art of accepting crticism without taking it personally, and not doing a very good job of it, I must say. I was also a busy-body and often involved myself in the business of others, even when it was grossly inappropriate to.

So, the abuser sized me up in an instant for the simple reason that I did not recognize boundaries and disclosed my deepest "secrets" to him at his prompting. I had already been named as "The Only One" who understood him, and I wanted to maintain that status as a result of my own emotional issues. For my short 22 years, I had always been striving for approval and acceptance to a personally dnagerous degree, and now an attractive man claimed that I was valuable! The risk of rejection was so overwhelming that I gave away every piece of my Self to PROVE that I was loyal and would remain forever faithful.

I've already mentioned the severing of important relationships for one reason or another - always, the abuser cast doubt and suspicion on these people by suggestions or accusations. But, he also began to chip away at my personal goals and interests. My interest in horseback riding became an interference - instead of riding, we could be having sex or "spending time together." My art education and creative expression also demanded too much time away from him. What did I want with an Art degree, anyway? There was "no money in art" and my projects, classes, and assignments (AGAIN) took too much time away from him. Because my interests in musical expression involved my friends, it was another obstacle to his complete control, and I walked away from that, as well. Instead, I slowly abandoned friends, goals, and interests in an effort to please the abuser and maintain that felonious status of being "The Only One."

With the chipping away of the Self comes the campaign of crazy-making. If you search the webs using the term, "crazy making," you will find an increadible wealth of examples and information on this tactic. For me, it was a very easy process - a demand (or, "suggestion") would be made that could never be fulfilled: continue with the silly art, but don't5 set aside any time to practice, because that time would be better spent getting high or having sex with the abuser. "Why can't you just draw and paint with me? Why do you have to do art shows? All this time could be better spent with me."

More on crazy-making as I continue.

Brightest blessings!

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Print this page
Email this page
DISCLAIMER / WARNING   Alert Webmaster


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with https://www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - Advertise - Stats

Copyright 1999 - 2024  curezone.com

0.023 sec, (2)

Back to blog!
 
Add Blog To Favorites!
 
Add This Entry To Favorites!

Comments (18 of 18):
Re: I stayed becau… msavo… 11 y
Re: Non-romantic N… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Accepting "Tru… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Accepting "Tru… Athin… 13 y
Indeed, no remedy.… Soulf… 13 y
Re: False Hope kerminator 13 y
what the heck?! SoulfulSu… 13 y
ACK! Double post… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Fear and Explo… womba… 13 y
This IS a touchy s… Soulf… 13 y
Powerlessness of C… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Spirituality, … Soulf… 13 y
Re: Spirituality, … #1161… 13 y
Re: The "Sex Facto… Soulf… 13 y
Re: The "Sex Facto… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Divide, Conque… Soulf… 13 y
Re: Divide, Conque… #7883… 13 y
Re: Divide, Conque… Soulf… 13 y
All Comments (18)

Blog Entries (12 of 44):
"The Only One"  13 y
Please, share!  13 y
Spirituality, Religion, and …  13 y
The "Sex Factor"  13 y
Love's "Tender Trap" and Vio…  13 y
Divide, Conquer, Surrender  13 y
On being "trusting"  13 y
Typos  13 y
Contract of Marriage  13 y
How did the abuser work it s…  13 y
Slow, but sure  13 y
What were the red flags, and…  13 y
All Entries (44)

Blogs by SoulfulSurvivor (4):
Coping with Betrayal  9 y  (30)
Find Your Art  17 y  (3)
NPD Survival  17 y  (2)
Domestic Violence and Abuse -…  17 y  (1)

Similar Blogs (10 of 185):
Геl…  by Evelynn  27 d
d-bor - П …  by Cuponskid  55 d
Son of Truth of Self  by Chef JeM  3 mon
My Enchanted Garden…  by Chef JeM  4 mon
Cloud inventory man…  by Sergio1  6 mon
Module  by pebajar  6 mon
Blog Name   by yoxodo8172  6 mon
Blog Name  by bohiji1734  6 mon
Divine Rewards Awai…  by DanielRobs  6 mon
Nyrpcorp  by clarajanifar  7 mon
All Blogs (1,019)

Back to blog!
 

Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.



Kidney Stones Remedy
Hulda Clark Cleanses