Day 2 of Post Water Fast
My daily Journey to a healthier life style
Date: 4/29/2011 1:43:41 PM ( 9 y ) ... viewed 1894 times
April 26, 2011
I can't remember what time I went to bed last night, but I found myself wide awake at 5:50 a.m. I got up, went to the bathroom, and drank a bit of water. I got back in bed, laid there and thought about various things in my life. Christy, her daughter, this new Jason guy and the things that I had planned to do today. I finally got up and looked out the window to see that it was rainy once again, and wondered if they were still going to have the Busby Park clean up scheduled for Earth day. Since it was rainy last week, they re-scheduled it for today. I had planned on going down on my lunch break and helping clean the park, since it is just a block or two way from the office.
I had little bit of breakfast while I listened to music and finished getting ready for work. Work was busy in the morning, but slowed off in the afternoon. During my lunch, I ate 3 strawberries, as I had packed for my lunch., I went to Busby park, to find no one there, so I realized the clean up must start at 2:00 p.m. instead of Noon, as it was posted. Since I had no plans, I walked a bit farther up town and checked out the little curio shops there, that I had never been in. There were some interesting things there, but nothing I could really want to buy. It was all very Flea market-ish, and fun to look at the stuff. I did find a couple movies that I might be interested in, but not at the moment.
The afternoon was slow, so I had a hard time keeping my mind on things, since I had so much time on my hands. I was a little bit shocked that the guy texted me. Just around 3:30. Asking how I was doing. I was even more surprised how much it affected me. It made my heart race and my mouth taste like ash. I hesitated to text him back, but I did. I told him that I was okay. Then asked me how my father was. I told him that he is alive and but his healthy continues to go up and down. I then asked him how he was doing. He didn't answer me back, and I realized right off that back, that he probably wasn't answering because he had the power, since I asked him a question, instead of him asking them. I waiting 25 minutes before I told him "I guess you didn't really want to talk to me, since you didn't respond back to my question" I got an answer back "I am okay, I guess. Honestly, my life sucks and I am stressed out" I didn't answer him back because I realized that he wanted compassion and attention, and I wasn't doing that anymore. I learned my listen with him. Most of the time in the past, when he wanted attention was the only time he talked to me. He couldn't talk to me or spend time with me, unless he got some benefit from it. He couldn't just do because he enjoy the company He had to get something from it. I still felt a bit numb, but I realized that I am in control of this situation and there is no reason why I should feel bad or upset. I had to remind myself that my life was going pretty good and that I am happy. Actually, I have been really joyful lately.
Work was a little bit slow and I was a bit numb for a while. After work I went home because I didn't have the desire to go out and buy soil for my new plants that I got on Saturday. I wasn't in the mood to do anything productive. I thought since I had been productive for the last couple weeks, that I could take a day off. I was going to do a load of laundry but I didn't even do that. Since I ate my dinner before I left the office, I more or less vegitated in my living room reading and relaxing, while listening to a movie.
I wasn't doing much when I got a call from Jason around 9:30 p.m. It was an awkward situation for me, as I have never been good at starting conversation with a guy. We talked for about a half an hour, and part of me was happy to get off of the phone when it was over. Jason seemed like a nice guy. We mostly talked about things like what I did for a living. I told him that I was paralegal for three attorneys. A mean one, a nice one and a new one, which I used to label them outside the office, if I had to talk about them. He thought that was funny. He said he was a roofer, and he manages a crew, so he doesn't have to work as hard as he has in the past. I asked him some question about roofing since I didn't know that much. I told him I know that tar paper when down, then the shingles, and special nails were used and that heat set the shingles to a point to the roof as well. He said that he was really impressed that I knew that much, as I know more then what most people do. I told him that I was well-read, and I usually read anything and everything I can get my hands on, as knowledge is power and I love knowledge. He asked me if I like Nascar. I almost sighed in disappointment, when he asked it. I told him I didn't have a problem with Nascar, but I have never been "into" things that the majority of the popular are into. I am not into fads. Yet, I have always like Cart and Formula One races, myself. I told him about when I was a teenager that both my brother and I really liked going to Mid-Ohio in Lexington to watch the races. I never have been much into stock car racing. He told me that he has enjoyed Nascar since he was 7 years old, so he can understand the whole fad thing, since in the last 5 or 6 years, more people have joined the band wagon of loving Nascar, because it is popular to do so. The whole phone conversation was short and before he hung up, he asked me if could call me again tomorrow. I said that I didn't have a problem with it. And that was that. Afterwards, I felt a little odd, on the whole conversation. I wondered if I came off weird or something, as the conversation ended so quickly. I then got a text message from him 15 later, saying that he enjoyed talking to me and he wanted to wish me a good night. I hesitated to say anything back, because I really wondered what I was getting myself into. Finally, I thought there is no harm in telling the truth, so I told him, that I enjoy the little conversation (which I did, even thought it was awkward) and have a good night too. After that I started feeling horrible for so me reason. I think subconsciously my heart was upset that I talked to another guy and it wasn't the guy. I realized that my heart and mind were really trying to move on, and this was a product of it. I was pay attention to some one other then the guy and that was unsettling to my thoughts. I would have never thought about doing that. I am very faithful to the person I am with, and this was a sign that it was really really really over. It never is a good feeling when that emotion shows itself in my life, especially when it wasn't something I really wanted in the first place. I feel confused and a bit scared on where I might be going. I had to remind myself that nothing is going on with this new guy and that I still have control of my life. I shook off the odd feelings and went and took a long shower. Running hot water always helps me clear my mind and allows me to think and talk to God.
I did some praying and talked to God about upcoming things in my life. By the time I got out of the shower, I was feeling relaxed and unburdened by issues that I have no control of. I told myself once and once only, as my soul seemed to accept it wholeheartedly that God is ultimately in control, and I need not to worry about petty things such as the guy or anything like talking to some guy.
Settling down in my blankets and my beloved Mekong curled up around my neck, I feel asleep. It definitely was a interesting day. I thought to myself that only good things can come out of my unknown future. I really think I am really prepared for it this time. LOL
BREAKFAST: (8:15 a.m.)1 thick slice of cantaloupe
DRINK: Oolong Tea (A coffee cup)
SNACK: (around 10:45 a.m.) 3 small slices of cantaloupe
LUNCH: (around 12:30) 3 strawberries
SNACK: (around 3:30 p.m.) 2 small slices of cantaloupe
DINNER: (around 5:15 p.m.) 3 medium strawberries and a small slice of cantaloupe
SNACK (around 8:30 pm.) 2 slices of apple (about a quarter)
EXERICISE: walked 2.90 Miles,
WATER INTAKE: 27 ounces of water
WEIGHT: 114 pounds
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